Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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