If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
