Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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