thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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