I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
