Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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