I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
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