They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
