I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
