Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
wakey wakey hands off snakey
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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