Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
