This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
