The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
