her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
