are you still at the devil's house?
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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