I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
