He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
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