Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
