Soap is not a condiment
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
