I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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