i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
