mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
