It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
