That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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