stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
