You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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