Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
