kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
