Where did you get a picture of my penis
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
