woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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