Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
