Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
