I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
