I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
