We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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