your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
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