as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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