It's like God shit irony all over that family
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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