I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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