put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
he was CRYING into my vagina
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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