Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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