How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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