I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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