did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Sober January is a disaster.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I'm having to shit out rocks
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
