i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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