he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
