i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize