I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
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Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I FOUND THE LEGS
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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