I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
