too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
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