It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Randomize
