whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
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