i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
