Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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