I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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