yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
