I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
