i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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