how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
