i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
