my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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