Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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