oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
