just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
My dick has a subreddit
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
