it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
