can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
