dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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