I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Randomize
