What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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