I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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