that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
