i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
