ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Randomize
