she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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