Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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